The not so good moments of life and mental health

So this past month has been one of the worst months yet this year. I’m not sure what the exact cause was, but I started to worry about my mental health and wellbeing. Things like these shouldn’t be ignored and people shouldn’t brush it off. I knew it was an issue when I couldn’t handle situations in a reasonable manner. 

It’s not always easy getting back up after being knocked down, but it is possible. We all have bad times in life that either make us or break us, or both. In my case I guess it broke me first and I am now putting the pieces back together the way I think they should be. But it took me being completely destroyed to realize that I didn’t want to be the way I was. 

It was a bad time in my life but dealing with mental health issues didn’t make it any better. It felt like life was coming at me from two sides and I couldn’t win the fight. I felt like giving up. Like most people, I have had other bad moments in my life but I couldnt seem to get past this. 

I was doing pretty good for quite some time. I felt at peace with everything in my life, I was happy and I felt as though nothing could really bother me or get to me. And then one day *poof* I felt like life knocked me down and I fell face first into the ground. It wasn’t just the fact that I was having a few bad days, I was having bad days that I couldn’t get over and let go. 

I’ve had worse moments in my life where I have been stressed about something or felt as though my life wasn’t going according to plan. This time felt different. For some strange reason it felt so much worse. I felt like I was at ultimate rock bottom with no way up. What’s even worse is that I honestly can’t pin point the event that made my life turn upside down, it truly felt like it happened out of nowhere with no explanation. 

My mood changed incredibly this past month. I have never experienced such bipolar mood swings in my life. I almost feel ashamed for all the people that had to deal with me this past month because this was not normal. It wasn’t me. I didn’t know what was wrong with me.

It started out as a phase of complete and utter anger which then led to a phase of depression. I didn’t want to do anything, I didn’t want to be bothered, I just felt like I was at a low point in life that I didn’t want to deal with. Things that no longer bothered me started to irritate me again. I became angry with people. Everything seemed like it wasn’t working out in my favor and I kept asking what did I do to deserve this? I’m a firm believer in karma and I really had to reevaluate my past to try and figure out what I did that was coming back to bite me in the ass. 

I asked god as well why he was allowing things like this to happen to me. It just seemed like the bad things would not stop and it was one bad event after another and I really couldn’t take it anymore. I remember sitting in my car at a red light and I just started crying and I said once again why is this happening to me. It took a lot for me to make it to my destination safely because at that moment in time I would’ve done anything to no longer be around. 

I do suffer from anxiety and depression which I will speak of in more detail in another post, but I started getting worried because I thought maybe this is another mental health issue and I don’t know how to deal with it. I almost felt possessed because the things I was doing weren’t like me and my reactions seemed drastic when life was throwing punches at me. I couldn’t handle normal disappointments easily. If I really had to look deep into it, maybe it’s a side effect of the anxiety medication which scares me to death because doctors prescribe you these things to get better; however, everything has side effects which may be the cause of this manic phase now that I think about it. 

Not everyone likes to speak about mental health. There’s individuals that I will bring the topic up to and they will tell me that it’s all in my head. I mean technically yes it is in my head because it’s how I feel but it’s more than that. I don’t want to diagnose myself because I don’t need to worry more about it, but my mood wasn’t normal. 

I had become so angry that I began lashing out at people and holding grudges. Everything made me mad. When the anger turned into depression, I just didn’t care about anything anymore. I felt worthless and felt as if life wasn’t worth living because nothing seemed right and I couldn’t handle anything that was being thrown my way. 

It took speaking to a few people to shake me from my depression and anger and make me see things in a different way. I felt alone because I thought nobody understood what I was going through. But I wasn’t alone. These same people told me that they have been through it too and that there is a way up from the lows but it starts with me, nobody else. As for mental health, they recommended that I see professionals to be sure that there isn’t other mental health issues that need to be addressed instead of pushing them off to the side and ignoring them. 

I guess what I’m getting at is that yes everybody has bad days, but if you can’t handle small issues in a reasonable manner then there’s an underlying issue at hand that needs to be addressed (mental health). I’m trying to change my ways and become a better individual. I don’t ever want to feel that low again in my life! I figure if I can change the things that I have control over then maybe the uncontrollable events in my life won’t be so bad. However, even with those changes, if I experience another phase like that again then I need to address the underlying issues again. 

I’m praying to god that I don’t have to go through something like that again. I was scared. Scared for myself and scared for those around me. I pray that nobody else has to experience this and if they do please know that there are people who can help. As for people in general, be a kind heart and if somebody needs to talk just listen to them because you never know how much you may be able to help them. 

I am truly grateful that the people I spoke with took the time to listen to what I had to say. Because of them, my life is now getting back on track simply because they helped me see things a different way. I was at my lowest point and they told me that they have been at low points too but they found a way up from rock bottom. If they could do it then I could too! So I am now trying to get back to that state of peace that I was in before because if I’m at peace, everything flows smoothly in my life.

A very important lesson that I learned from all of this is that we all need kind people in our lives. Love will go a lot further than hate ever will. So if you can’t find a good person, be one! As for mental health, if you feel like you need help, go seek it from a professional or simply talk to a trusted friend. It helps greatly! Let’s try to understand instead of judge. More love, less hate. ❤️️

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