I have to keep going, no matter what!

The title speaks for itself; however, there is so much more behind it. I’m still not sure what to make of it but I’m sure I’ll find out.

Today I was having a conversation with someone and we were speaking of careers and what kind of job I will be able to get. Even though I hold a bachelors degree I wasn’t able to find employment in my field right after graduating. No big deal, I’m sure I’m not the only one. I am however completing a paid internship that will give me experience; that has to count for something.

Well this person’s words of encouragement, or lack there of were, “you are the only person I know who went to school for a major they can’t find a job in”. Well excuse the fuck out of me! My field of study requires that I have a higher education which is what I am working towards right now.

In order to be a health educator, many places require a masters degree to be considered for employment. Makes sense. Which I am perfectly fine with, I mean that is why I am still in school. Once I have my masters degree, I can look for jobs as a health educator and start my career doing what I went to school for.

I explained this to the person I was speaking with, their response, “ok so you are wasting your time going to school to work a job that pays minimum wage. Yeah you’re gonna do so great”. At this point I was annoyed so I tried to explain myself one last time.

Unfortunately many jobs that are helpful to our community are sometimes underpaid. That may be the case for a health educator but for those that really know me, will know that I don’t care about the money. I have said for many years that as long as my basic needs are met with the job that I have, I don’t care how much it pays because my ultimate goal is to make a difference doing what I love to do.

So I tried to tell this person that there’s more that I want to do besides just work. There are many projects I want to do aside from a 9 to 5 that if successful enough I could bring in additional income. And a 9 to 5 is not my end game, I do have goals for bigger things that again, if successful enough, I could have a higher income while still doing what I love to do and what I went to school for. This person insisted that everything I said was absolute bullshit and told me this is why they don’t like having this conversation with me.

At this point my blood is boiling. Now again, the people that know me know I try to stay humble and not judge others. But who the fuck are you to criticize what I’m doing when you have no further education than an associates degree and you are making no effort to further your education or move up in your current place of employment?? Unless you are in my shoes doing what I am doing you will not understand. *end of judgmental rant*

No but seriously, unless people are in your shoes or pretty close to it, they will not get it no matter how you explain it. And sometimes the best thing you can do is just ignore them. Were those words hurtful? Well yeah, but what I choose to do after hearing them is what defines me. I’m sure I’m not the only one whose been abused verbally.

It’s unfortunate that people are like that, but use it to motivate you to do better. People hate to see you doing better than them, and I’m not just talking about money. And hey, maybe you are happy where you are with your life right now, but that doesn’t give you the right to criticize others and what they are doing just because you think differently.

At the end of the day, maybe I’m not where I want to be but at least I’m working towards something. I could be a bum or a drug addict or an alcoholic and not give two shits about my life and be at complete rock bottom but I’m not! And again doesn’t that count for anything?!

You have no idea how many times I want to just throw my hands up in the air and wave that white flag of surrender, but I don’t. You don’t know how many times I want to just give up, but I don’t. I have my bad days when life seems not worth living for when I am just too overwhelmed with negativity to even want to continue, but I do. Even on my worst days, deep down there’s a glimmer of hope that keeps me going even when I wish it would all end. I have to keep going for me, for the ones who believe in me, and the ones who look up to me.

This is my journey; I have to keep going no matter what!
Sofia 💖

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